How?
You ever try to take a rib away from a black man?
That's pretty good.
- That's pretty good. - I wouldn't take one from you, I know that!
- You chewing it down to the bone. - That's a good one.
- He's a rib fan. - Don't try.
- Tell more. - Okay.
- Why don't black people like country music? - Why?
'Cause every time they say "hoe-down," they think someone shot their sister.
You gonna be all right?
That is so true.
- That's a tailored joke for you. - Why I gotta be a ho?
Ain't nobody talking about you.
- It's a sister joke! - You're sisters.
I'm not the "ho sister."
Come on now. Can't stop now, baby.
What are three things that a black man can't get?
What is that he can't he get?
A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.
I tell you I'm going to kick this boy's ass!
- Grandpa. - No, it's...
We know you can take him, but just sit down. Be nice. Come on.
- Come on, now. It's a joke. - That's right, Daddy.
Sit down. It's just a joke.
Come on. Hee-hee, ha-ha. That's all it is.
Now if you'll excuse me...
all of a sudden, I lost my appetite.
Think I'll take a walk.
- I should have stopped at "hoe-down." - You should have never started.
This isn't like us at home, laughing about this bullshit.
It's my father's house, Simon.
What do you want me to do, go upstairs and apologize to him again?
No.
Let the storm pass. It'll be fine.
Besides, he dared you!
- He double-dared! He called me chicken. - I heard!
- I can't be called chicken. - You have to watch him on those.
You know? I'm fresh out of ideas as to how to impress your father.
Telling black jokes is never a good idea, but that's just me.
You think?
I'll talk to him.
Say nice things about me.
No, I'm not going to say nice things about you. You are still punished.
Baby, I'm a good guy. I like ribs, too. I don't...
Why are you being so mean to me?
- My grandfather's out there. - He's not going to come in.
- This is my mom's kitchen! - She's not going to come in.
You're still gonna do the dishes.
- Get off me. - Fine, I'll do the dishes.
Here, do the broccoli one.
- Dad, I have to talk to you. - What?
- Why did you do that? - I didn't start it. Mr. Nappy Head did.
Dad, Simon's a good man. He has a good heart.
- A good man? - You put him on the spot.
You really think so?
What is your problem with him anyways?
Besides the fact, of course, that he's white.
You gonna get in a heap of trouble talking to me like that.
Don't care nothing about that man being white. He's hiding something.
What? NASCAR?
You thought I didn't know?
Of course I knew. We talk about everything, Simon and I.
Daddy, I love him, and you need to start respecting that.
Then you respect me enough to tell me in advance who you're bringing home.
- I didn't think you'd care. - But you weren't sure.
- So you decided to test me. - No, of course not.
- So you're looking for a reaction? - No.
So what are you looking for?
I'm looking for you to tell me that it's okay for me to be with him.
I'm scared.
Okay?
I'm really scared, Dad.
I know things are different now and times have changed...
but you should really hear the kind of things that people say to us sometimes.
And the way they look at us.
I need you to tell me that it's okay to be with him.
Baby, me telling you it's okay is not gonna change the world.
Dad. But it would change my world.
It will change my world if I know that you're behind us.
I'm always behind you, sweetheart.
And I love you.
It's my job to keep you safe.
And I don't trust that kid.
- Hey, baby. - Yes.
I'm trying to figure out where he got all those doggone black jokes.
What do white people do, take a class...
sit around and think of new jokes about the black man?
I don't know, Percy.
You need to let that one go.
Come on, sweetheart. We need to practice the tango.
I told you. I ain't doing no doggone tango.
Why? You think you can't dance anymore?
No. I think the tango's a stupid dance and I ain't doing it.
Marilyn...
why can't we do the hustle? What's wrong with the hustle?
Because the hustle is a stupid dance...
and I want to do the tango.
Look here, woman, can't we do this some other time?
I gotta take Dad back to the home.
- I'll be back. - Okay.
Shut up!
All right, stop. Okay, move a little to your left.
- Okay. - All right, kiss me.
This is the exact spot where I had my first kiss.
No! I'm not going to kiss you in the spot that you had your first kiss.
- No. - Why not?
It's some other guy's spot.
Fine.
- What was his name? - Curtis Booker.
He had these big old Bucky Beaver teeth.
But he was such a nice boy. He was a good kisser, too.
- Better than me? - Way better.
- Way better? - Yeah.
- Did he grab your ass? - No.
- Squeeze it? - No. We were 13.
- Grab you down here? - No. Come on!
- Slow down. - Come on.
- There's a car! Get out of the way! - Come on! Yeah!
Okay, be careful.
So, this is my favorite spot.
It's pretty amazing, huh?
All right, so it's not...
the top of the world, but it's nice.
It's a fort.
It's a gun placement.
When I was little, I would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night...
and just come out here and just dream.
Yeah?
Weren't you afraid of sneaking out of your house?
Please. I'm not afraid of Percy Jones.
Well, that makes you and... you.
Okay, so this is just Cranford.
But it's a great place to grow up. It's a good place to raise a family, too.
You know, maybe we shouldn't do this.
What? Live in the suburbs?
No. Tell your parents about our engagement this weekend.
Simon, I told you not to look at him straight in the eye.
I don't think Percy Jones is ready.
I think Percy Jones needs more time.
A lot more time for Percy Jones.
- Are you getting cold feet, Simon? - No.
No, I'm not getting cold feet.
I can't wait to marry you.
Make babies with you.
Give me a daughter that looks just like you.
I can work on that.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And hopefully, I can be a good dad.
I think you'll be a great dad.
You're never gonna be like your father, Simon.
Maybe I can be like yours.
- Like Percy? - Yeah.
- No. - Baby, Percy Jones is a good dad.
He's there for you.
He cares about you. He loves you so much.
He does.
We just have to get him to love you.
Maybe we can start by getting him to take the padlock off the basement door.
It's not going to happen.
Why don't you give me a little Curtis Booker?
I can't believe I told you that.
- Come on, baby, a little Bucky Beaver? - No.
No. How about some Simon Green?
Marilyn, you cut off the porch light?
That's my girl.
Very stylish.
I need to take a quarter inch off the pants. I can do it here. Let me have them.
What, you mean take the pants off?
I could do with you in them but I don't want to poke you with my needle.
You keep your eyes on the pants, you hear me?
Mr. Jones, do you know where the extra chairs are?
What are you, blind? They're against the wall.
- When you go out, close the door. - Right.
Percy, put some pants on. We got people in the house.
- Thank you. - Thank you, sweetheart. I didn't realize.
How long's it gonna take?
- Two shakes of a lamb's tail. - Whatever the hell that means.
Mercy, Percy! Keep your shirt on!
Or take it off. Whatever.
Could someone answer that damn phone? Thank you!
- Jones residence. - This is Reggie. Who's this?
- This is Theresa's boyfriend. - Jamal! What's up, man?
- Percy told me all about you. - What's that?
My name is Reggie. Percy told me all about you, man.
He did?
You know what we should do? Get together and play some hoops, man.
I don't really play hoops.
Come on, man. Don't be shy. Why are you being shy?
Percy told me that you went to Howard. He said you almost went pro.
- He said that? - Yeah.
He was bragging all about you, Jamal. But listen...
two things. One: Could you autograph the issue...
of Jet for me? And the other thing is, I would love to meet the Cosbys.
When I say love to meet them, I mean I love to meet them.
- I'll see what I can do. - I feel like I grew up with them.
Let me get Percy for you.
You know, in the '80s and whatnot and...
- It's for you. It's Reggie. - We were talking about the Cosbys.
- May I have some privacy, please? - But, yeah, you know what I mean?
- And shut the door. - I'd still love to meet them.
Theo...
Reggie. What did you find out?
You were right about Simon Green. He is no longer at J.P. Oliver.
Come on. Give me my pants.
- Jamal, huh? - Don't start.
This isn't about me. It's about you and your job, that you don't have anymore.
- What? - Yeah. Move out of my way.
Hey, baby!
Theresa! Come here, sweetheart. Daddy needs to talk to you.
- Don't listen to him. - What are you talking about?
Your boyfriend's unemployed, lost his job. He got fired a couple days ago.
I did not get fired! I quit!
You quit? Why didn't you tell me this?
- It's complicated. - It's complicated when you're a liar.
I'm a liar? What about the lies you told Reggie?
- Jamal? - Who's Jamal?
- He's good friends with the Cosbys. - What about NASCAR?
That was nothing, and I admitted it.
- You admitted that you lied. - You tried to kill me with a go-kart.
At least I can drive.
This crazy ass almost got us arrested. Now we both got court dates.
I can't believe you checked up on me.
- You kept asking me for money. - I never asked you for money.
- You asked my father for money? - $50,000 loan, baby.
- I did not. He trapped me into it. - You're a liar.
You were checking up on him?
He forced my hand. You're my daughter and he's not worthy!
- That's not for you to decide. - Right!
And what about you, lying to me? You said you would never lie.
You ain't gotta go over there.
I thought I could get another job.
I was gonna tell you, but I didn't want to ruin the big weekend.
You said we would always tell each other the truth.
Like how you told your parents about me being white?
- I knew they wouldn't care about that. - I don't care. I care that you're a liar.
That's bullshit! You care. He has to care. It's human nature.
That means that you care that I'm black?
- Do you? - Dad!
No. It doesn't matter what I say. You people are gonna think I'm a racist.
- You hear that? "You people." - I know. I heard. What people?
The people in the yard.
That's what I'm... See? I say one thing and I'm a racist!
- No, Simon, you're a liar. - And a racist.
Where do you get off calling me a racist? I have a black girlfriend!
- You had a black girlfriend! - Have.
Past tense! Had! And let me tell you something else, son...
- What the hell is going on? - I'll tell you what's going on.
- He got fired from J.P. Oliver! - I did not get fired! I quit!
- I told you to stay out of Theresa's life. - Thank you.
He can't just walk in our house, telling our baby lies.
- I'm not lying! - I don't think so!
- The party's off, Percy. - Woman, you must be crazy.
I don't want to say my vows with you. It would be a lie before God.
Marilyn, we're saying some goddamn vows tomorrow.
- Yeah, he got a book and everything. - Would you shut up?
You got your vows out of a book?
No. Don't listen to him! I got a book. I'm using it for inspiration.
- He wrote it down word for word. - You're going to get hurt.
- That is so pathetic! - Come on, Marilyn!
Because if memory serves me correctly, I used to be inspiration enough.
You still are!
You'd be inspiration to me. He neglects you.
Marilyn, get your ass back here!
I got a $200 cake coming tomorrow!
Sixty pounds of shrimp! Sixty pounds of shrimp, woman!
I had to take a second on the house!
- She looked angry. - Marilyn, don't let me raise my voice now!
You gonna force me to use the muscle!
Hope you like seafood.
Theresa! Wait!
Come on!
- They'll be back. - No, they're not coming back.
They gotta come back. Sixty pounds of shrimp!
Come on, baby. Pick it up.
Answer that phone, sweetheart, and it will be your last.
Let me borrow your car.
What? You can't go chasing behind no women. Have some dignity!
Besides, you can't even drive a damn go-kart!
Trouble in paradise?
Baby, we need to talk about this.
You should call me and we should talk about it like adults...
because adults communicate when they have problems.
I'm looking at your photos on the wall and they're beautiful.
Beautiful photos. I don't think that I compliment you on your work enough.
You know what? You're being rude. That's what you're being. So call me back.
Baby, I'm sorry. You're not being rude.
You have all the reason in the world to be upset with me right now.
You shouldn't be calling me back. If I was you, I wouldn't call me back.
Baby, call me back.
Call me back, baby.
I'm looking at your bulletin board and there's a picture of you...
sitting next to a guy and I think that that guy might be Curtis Booker.
He looks like he's got Bucky Beaver teeth.
He looks a lot older than 13!
So I don't know how you feel about it, but it's gone!
Old Curtis Booker can go bye-bye!
Baby, do you have any Scotch Tape?
You're acting like I cheated on you, and I've never cheated on you...
except for that one time with myself, and you caught me.
Hello.
Darlene! How you doing? This is Percy Jones.
I'm looking for Marilyn. She left a little earlier. I thought she'd be back by now.
- I'm sorry. Now, who is this? - Percy Jones.
I'm sorry, Percy. I must have fell asleep on the couch.
Baby, you say you looking for Marilyn?
- Have you seen her? - Well, now, what happened?
What'd you say to my sister, Percy Jones?
Nothing.
Listen, if you hear from her, can you let me know?
Will do. And I look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the party, right?
- Yeah, it should be a lot of fun. - Goodbye.
Girl!
You will never guess who was just on the phone!
- Who? - A Mr. Percy A. Jones.
Percy A. Who?
Yeah, well, baby, he is feeling the pain now!
Mom. Is that gonna be your last one?
It might be, baby. And it might not.
You should be over there trying to work this out with Dad.
I should be over there trying to work it out with Simon. Mom, please.
Child, leave your mom alone. They ain't going nowhere.
Your man quit his job and didn't tell you.
- Got to nip that shit in the bud. - Yes.
No. But... Look, I have 15 missed calls.
- Fifteen, Mom. Fifteen! - Fifteen?
Your baby got 15 missed calls!
- Bullshit. Let him wait! - That's true.
I'm gonna call him now.
- No, you're not! - No. Don't you dare!
Child, you take your finger off that trigger!
Did he lie to you, Theresa? Did he lie to you?
Yes, he did.
So, if you don't want him to do it again, let him feel the pain!
Look, honey, and if you want him that bad, you've got to train him.
My God, if what he's giving you is that good...
and then you still don't want him, send his pasty ass to me!
- All right, one more! - Two!
There you go, baby!
Here's to you, baby.
I gotta go to work in the morning. Hello?
- Sorry, Marcus. - I'm sorry, baby.
You want a taste?
Thank you, Marcus.
This is my house.
- She won't answer the phone. - She don't want to talk to you.
- Can I get something to drink? - What, vodka?
Yes. Vodka. I would like some vodka.
Sorry, Charlie. No vodka.
There's gotta be something around here. Marilyn was throwing an anniversary party.
Is throwing a party.
- Was. - Is.
- Party's off, dude. - The party is on, dude.
You won't find no liquor in here. This is a Christian home.
Bingo.
With a house full of sinners.
Marilyn's got good taste in vodka. This is, like, a $50 bottle.
Give me that. Give it here.
- Can I at least have a little bit? - No.
Just a taste.
Come around here and get those two glasses over there. Hurry up.
Who's playing?
Played. That's history.
New York Giants' first Super Bowl win.
Talking about Phil Simms. L.T.
You ever play?
- I told you before, no. - Pitiful.
All right, let's do it.
Do what?
- Fumble! - You said you weren't gonna hit me!
Touchdown! Yeah, baby.
- This is where your hands go. - Where am I gonna be?
- You're on the bottom. I'm on the top. - All right.
Okay, so you hold this frame.
One and step. Right.
- I'm leading. - Okay.
Back. Nice. Step.
Left. Good. Double-time.
- Okay, no. See? This is... - What was wrong with that?
- You're screwing around. - I'm not.
You're getting crazy here, not holding your frame.
There must be space between us. Not like when we're sleeping.
You can't be, like, up here.
You're not holding your frame. It's a structured dance.
- Okay, so back up. - Your mama taught you this?
Yes, I used to help her in the dance studio on the weekends.
- Step. Two. - You get fired from there, too?
No. I didn't get fired from this job. I quit.
Was it over money? Because if it wasn't, this doesn't make any sense.
I had a difference of opinion with the management.
They weren't ready for a guy like me.
I don't get it.
And heads. No, you're doing great.
I ain't talking about this. I'm talking about you and Theresa.
You ain't got nothing in common.
For example:
You don't like sports. Theresa loves sports.
You're a businessman. She's an artist.
You're white. She's black. Did I miss anything?
No. That's just it. She's everything I'm not.
You know, she's my other half. Without her, I'm not whole.
You know, the thing about meeting your other half is...
you're walking around, you think you're happy...
you think that you're whole.
Then you realize you ain't shit without her.
Then you can't go back to being a half...
'cause now you know what it's like to be a whole.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I do.
And I still got it.
- That was nice. - Real nice.
- I liked the snap. - You like that?
- I think you hurt me. - Percy Jones, boy.
Good morning.
Looks like I missed a fun night.
- Just sitting up here, watching football. - That's how it always starts.
- Where's Marilyn? - She stayed all night at Darlene's house.
She must be really mad.
Wait. You knew where they were the whole time?
Yeah. I thought they'd be back by now.
- Did you apologize? - I didn't do anything.
Exactly!
Dante, please. Don't try to play that metrosexual mind game on me, okay?
Okay. All right.
Let's go get them.
You don't understand.
They done called all their friends and sat up all night ragging on men.
They've worked themselves up into a man-hating frenzy.
- How many women? - I guarantee you, large numbers.
Sisters.
You can't just walk in on a bunch of angry black women. You'll die.
Well, we'll just have to go out like men.
- He's right, Percy. - I know he's right.
But I'm still scared.
- Keep talking. What are you saying? - Like that, a little.
- I'm liking it. - Thank you.
You gonna share your colors?
You're one of them sisters who don't share colors.
No, I'm not.
Give up your secrets, honey.
This is gorgeous. Pink Passion. Every woman needs this.
A little Pink Passion?
You know what I always say?
A little bit of makeup, a little bit of hair ain't never hurt nobody.
How did I know she would be wearing Pink Passion?
- Yes, they're in there. - Maybe I should go first.
Are you crazy? I'm the one that got experience in this sort of thing.
You just pay attention. I'll show you how it's done.
Here, straighten yourself up.
If you go up in there, you go in looking like a man.
- Wipe this off. - You got something.
Thank you. Yeah.
- Man, I'm not gonna... - No. We gotta do this.
Well, well, well.
- Lf it isn't Mr. Percy Jones. - It is I.
It's about time you showed up.
- What's up? - I'm well.
- Percy. - Marilyn.
Marilyn, may I speak to you in private over there, please...
so the ladies can continue eating?
Oh, no! You go on home with that.
- It's not going down like that, my brother. - No way, no how.
You know better than that, Percy. You got something to say, say it here.
In front of everybody.
Step up to the chalk line and be a man.
I married you, didn't I? Don't that count for something?
- Hell, no! - What does he want, an award?
That don't count for nothing!
It really doesn't count.
- Come on, man. - I know, I'm just...
Oh, hell.
I was wrong, okay?
- It's a good start, Percy. - Keep going!
I've been wrong for a long time.
Ever since I forgot...
that you are my better half.
Hell, Marilyn, you're everything I'm not.
Without you, I'm not whole.
Look. Let...
Baby, before I met you, I thought I was all that.
And then you came into my life, and I realized that I wasn't all that.
Wasn't even half of that.
I might have been a quarter of that.
But then you left me last night!
And, baby, I remembered how it felt to be without you.
And let me tell you something. I ain't shit without you!
- Dad. - Man.
And I forgot about that.
And I'm sorry.
Baby, marry me.
Make me whole again.
- I love you, Percy. - I love you, too.
- That's what I'm talking about, baby. - You go, Marilyn, bad girl!
Kiss your baby.
- I missed you so much. - I missed you.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. I'm sorry, baby.
I feel so much better!
- Isn't that lovely? - Get off that.
I guess it's my turn.
All right.
That's going to be a tough speech to follow.
- It was a great speech, Perce. - Thank you.
- I had something similar in mind. - Great minds think alike.
Admitting you were wrong would be a great start.
Yes, it would.
Right.
Go ahead, man.
Baby, I was wrong!
What are you doing?
I want to see your sexy body go bump, bump, bump.
We have to talk in private.
I don't wanna hear it. No. Mom?
Just stay here and talk about it in front of everybody!
Ladies, please.
Take your man and go work out your business.
That's right.
Go on.
Thank you.
- Don't let him work on you. - That ain't right.
- Did he say "bump, bump, bump"? - Yeah, and it's Percy's fault.
It's all your fault!
Those kids are in love and they finally liked each other and you all interfere.
My love right here. Don't tell me how to define my love!
Lord have mercy.
Baby.
Come on.
I was trying to impress your father.
I didn't want to show up here and be the unemployed fianc�.
I've never lied to you before and I'll never lie to you again, ever.
You lied about asking my father for a loan.
That was an omission that was tied to a previous lie. That doesn't...
And I look like an idiot to you.
No. You look a little bit like Percy Jones, though.
I can't believe you're trying to be funny.
- Baby, come on. - Why do you have to be funny right now?
Don't touch me!
You need to calm down.
You made me look like an asshole in there. Don't tell me to calm down.
I think you were doing a pretty good job of that yourself.
Not telling them about me?
And then I pitched in and I blew it, okay?
I panicked when I found out that Nathan was blackballing me.
I thought if I could score this IPO, I'd have enough money until I got another job.
- But I was doing that for you. - What am I, your mother?
I don't need you to take care of me.
I want you to do things with me, not for me, Simon!
- Will you just talk to me? - I am talking to you.
- You're talking at me. - I am talking to you.
But you need to talk to me and tell me how am I supposed to believe in you...
when you don't trust me enough to tell me the truth?
How do we get past this, with this skin, if we don't have each other's back?
- Okay, I'm always gonna be the white boy. - And I'll always be the black girl.
But at least I'm here and willing to deal with it, and I don't know about you.
I don't know. And eventually, if you're gonna quit on me, just do it and don't...
I'm standing right here!
What more do you want from me? What do you want from the white boy?
I've been here busting my ass to make you happy!
Then let me make this easy for you! The engagement is off!
Fine.
- Good. - Great.
Great.
I'm in Jersey!
- Okay, stand still now. - I'm still.
You all right?
I'm fine.
I'm great. It's going to be a great day, Dad.
- It sure is. - Yes. I'm gonna take lots of pictures.
- So you better smile big for me, okay? - I will.
And no crying. Mom said you cried last time.
I was not crying, I was sweating...
from my eyeballs.
Hell, I was nervous. I knew I was making a big mistake.
A 25-year mistake.
And going for 25 more.
Sweetheart?
Why don't you call that man?
You know he got his cell phone on. You know he does.
He's probably waiting on the 5:15 train.
We got a party going on. You get his ass back here!
How many missed calls you have last night?
Thirty-three.
- Thirty-three? - Yeah.
Thirty-three missed calls? Sweetheart, that's major.
And you know the man is unemployed, yes, but he calls you. So give him that.
Thirty-three missed calls? And you can't call him once?
- Girl, don't be so proud. - No. Daddy, it's not...
Pride ain't nothing when it comes to matters of the heart.
It's not that.
- It's not? - No.
- I was going to marry him. - What?
We were going to announce our engagement this weekend.
So, you see?
I have you to thank...
because you saved me from a big heartache.
Sweetheart, I just don't understand something.
- Why did Simon quit his job? - I don't know. He didn't say.
Why would a man quit his job on the day he's gonna meet his future father-in-law?
Maybe he got tired of waiting for that promotion that never happened.
Simon's a rising star, Dad.
- He really is. - I believe that.
But that boss of his is just not a nice man.
- You ever met him? - A couple of times.
He was always friendly, kind of.
But he always had this look in his eyes, you know?
Just not a nice man.
But he was Simon's mentor, so...
Whatever.
Let it go.
Today is about you and Mom.
Now, first picture of the night.
- Let me get my... On my good side. - Smile.
I don't want Mom to see me like this.
- I love you, Dad. - I love you, too.
Damn!
No.
Do not do this to me, Percy Jones!
We have a schedule! Tick-tock. Everything works. Timing.
I'll be right back.
- Timing! - I'll be right back.
- In 10 minutes? - Or so, okay?
How so?
I'm sorry. Percy, have you met my wife, Diane?
I certainly have heard a lot about you, Percy Jones.
Nice to meet you.
- Does Marilyn know you're going AWOL? - Of course.
She does not.
So you missed your train, huh?
- There's another one at 6:00. - You gonna be on it?
I should have been on that one.
What are you doing here?
I know why you quit your job.
You told your boss you was coming here to meet me and he said:
"Don't marry that black girl."
Those weren't exactly the words.
How did you know we were getting married?
I told you, son. Don't nothing get past Percy Jones.
- Theresa told you. - That, too.
Come on, man. Let's get real.
What you did with your boss was honorable, impressive...
and stupid.
You can't quit your job every time somebody rolls their eyes at the two of you.
You'll never make any money.
- How do you do 25 years? - Painfully.
No, seriously.
If you're gonna marry one of these women, sometimes it's gonna hurt like hell.
All you can do is admit that you're wrong and know that she's always right.
- She's right? - That's right.
- Always? - Right.
- That's right.
All right.
Okay, what about all the talk about my dignity?
Do you love her? Do you want her?
Then she's always right.
Look, I know I didn't give you a fair shake.
And I was wrong.
And my daughter, she'd be lucky to have you.
I'm not a quitter, Mr. Jones.
I think I know that about you.
Theresa doesn't.
You just have to show her what you're made of.
You know she's hot-headed. She's just like her mama.
Every man gets to choose his destiny, son.
No matter what his father did.
And, Percy, you are not perfect.
But that works for me because two perfect people in one relationship...
might be too much.
And sometimes you bark and bluff and bluster...
but I always see the boy I married 25 years ago.
And I only wish I loved him as much as I did back then, but I don't.
I love him more.
Thank you, Marilyn. That was lovely.
Percy? Your vows?
Marilyn Jones.
Everyone knows I didn't write my vows.
Everyone knows because you kept beating me up about it for weeks...
crying to all your friends. You know?
Now, look here, woman. I love you.
But you didn't have to do me like that about my vows.
You know I don't like writing. She knows that.
I'm not a wordsmith.
I do numbers. That's me. I don't do words.
Damn it, I do money.
And after 25 years, all I've asked you...
is to let me be me.
You'll never find
As long as you shall live
Oh, Lord.
Someone to love you
Love you, love you
Tender like I do
You know that about me, woman.
You'll never find
No matter where you search
I'm not looking.
Someone to care about you
Care about you, care about you
The way I do
Oh, I'm not bragging on myself, baby
But I'm the only one that loves you
I think I forgot what love is until you and Simon showed up.
Give that man another chance, daughter.
You'll never find
Simon!
Yes, Simon.
It'll take the end of all time
Someone who understands you
Like I do
That's not Jamal.
I could probably find a million reasons why we shouldn't be together.
But you know what? I don't care.
I don't care, either.
I love you.
And I'm sorry that I lied to you.
I'm sorry, too.
You're sorry?
- Can you say that again? - I'm sorry, Simon.
You're sorry? She said she was sorry. I believe she's...
I'm sorry, Simon.
- Get your man, girl! - Go ahead, sweetie!
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure...
to introduce to you all my future son-in-law, Simon Green.
He's broke, unemployed, and he's white.
But he loves my Theresa and that's all right with us.
That's right.
Welcome to the family, son. Welcome to the family.
And cue the magic.
Look at this.
Will you look at that shit?
Drink up! Enjoy!
Welcome, man.
- Let's watch the tango. - No, let's watch the party.
- All right. Get your feet off the table. - Sorry, sir.
- I look pretty good out there. - You do, Mom.
Baby, you look so good because you're twirling around me.
Oh, yeah, there you go, there you go.
All right, you blew that part.
- That was perfect. - There was hesitation there.
- You did it better the night before. - The night before?
- What happened? - We had a little dry run the night before.
- Really? - You didn't tell me that, Percy!
You're hallucinating, Simon. I ain't never danced with no man in my life.
Taught him everything he knows.
Percy Jones was born knowing how to tango.
And let me tell you something about the tango.
- It's a structured dance. - I told you that.
What was that, Mom?
You know what that is, Theresa. You're a grown-ass woman.
- Damn, Mama, you still got it. - I know it, Keisha.
All right now, watch this. This is when I got funky.
- Go, Percy! It's your birthday! - Go, Percy.
- Let's watch the vows. - No!
- Watch the party. - Okay, fine, whatever.
- There you are. - I got her, that girl is mine!
I was just shocked you didn't fall down.
That is cold.
Look. Check me out. I am doing the hustle.
I'm doing the hustle in your honor, Percy Jones.
That ain't no damn hustle. That's the white man overbite.
- You ain't even doing that right. - Why's it gotta be a white thing?
Blacks have overbites, too.
- He's doing a great hustle! - He's turning it up.
- Why is my man looking at your ass? - No, he's not.
Why is your man Samoan?
- Where is Manu these days? - We broke up last week.
- Thank you, Jesus. - What happened?
I only started going out with him to mess with Daddy.
And, girl, please. He is too big. He is a bone crusher.
- Watch your mouth! - What?
Do not use the word "bone" in my house.
- Where were you all going? - Let's see that again.
Your mother and I got a sudden thirst for punch.
No. You're old enough to know.
We going to shake some sheets. Is that all right with you?
I thought you said no bone in the house!
No!
If everyone wants to see the lift, we do the lift.
We're doing the lift!
This is good.
No. I was so sure you were going to drop me there.
I love you!
This is Dirty Dancing. I've been doing this since high school.
Look at that.
- Who's the man? - You did it with other girls?
No, I only do that with you.
I know that hurt.
See that move right there. That's why you're not getting any grandkids.
Let me call your mama right now and thank her for those dance lessons.
- That's a low blow. - It's just a joke.
- Simon! - Come on. I'll catch your big ass.
We're down!
Good thing is, she didn't break that dress.
No, she didn't, but she felt bad about it all week.
They gotta go deep.
- I knew better. - Oh, my God.
- That was a great party. - It was, Mom.
Yeah, I guess a party not a party till something get broke.